TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
