I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
