cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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