It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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