I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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