i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
