And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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