I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
