i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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