Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
