D3 body, D1 cock
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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