So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
