plz talk dirty to me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
