My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
