I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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