Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
