Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
