it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
