I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
