He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
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I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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