The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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