smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
