Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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