Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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