I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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