Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
