that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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