so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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