My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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