I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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