i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
People in love make me want to vomit
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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