He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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