I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
