hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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