Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone signed my nipple.
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