i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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