I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
