I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
