Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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