dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
