His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
