Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
