Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
