Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
