before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
