sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
