she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
