I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
