i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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