I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
