I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
