She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
