can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
