girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
