Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
