"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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