Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
