Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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