my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
