I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
