My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
