____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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