I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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