I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
